Misadventures of the Mentally Insane
by Son of the morning
Summary: The Kyuubi's seal messes up Naruto's brain making him mentally insane but also a genius. Watch his misadventures as a shinobi. Please don't think this is a serious story. You may yourself go crazy... just from reading.
1. rain rain go away

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

The Kyuubi's seal messes up Naruto's brain making him mentally insane but also a genius. Watch his misadventures as a shinobi.

* * *

"This is an unfortunate, unforeseen side-affect." said a long white haired man. He had markings on his face and looked to be early forties. "It seems the seal has mis-aligned the neuro-receptors in his brain. There's no telling how this is going to affect him." 

"Exactly how do you know that Jiraiya?" asked a rapidly aging man. He had on a white robe.

"You don't know Tsunade without picking up a few things Sarutobi-sensei." he retorted to the wrinkly man. "Well, it seems as though life ahead of the boy is going to be quite difficult. It's probably best to let him come with me."

"I'm sorry Jiraiya, but the Yondaime wanted the kid to grow up here so he would see the village he helped to protect."

"Sensei... for all your knowledge, how can you not see in advance how this boy will be treated! I know your old but you are far from senile old man!"

"That is enough Jiraiya. Begone before I revoke your sannin privileges." said Sarutobi in a no-fun-and-games tone. Jiraiya scowled before exiting from the window. "I'm sorry young one, but it is necessary for you to be here."

* * *

- 6 years later - 

"Ramen, ramen. Oh so good and tasty. Blah blah PASTY!!!" sang a blond haired child as he applied toothpaste on his toothbrush. He rinsed and proceeded to do his other morning activities. "Oh ramen, ramen, with sour cream and onion, rain rain go away come again another day!" he continued to sing, a silly grin plastered all over his face. Naruto Uzumaki, a 6 year old child who happens to be mentally insane. On top of the burden on being clinically insane, he was a human sacrifice, used as the jail for the most powerful demon, the Kyuubi. He was preparing his breakfast when a knock came at the door.

"Yes?" he asked in a sing-song voice?

"It's me, Naruto. Please open the door." said an elderly voice. Naruto tapped his head in thought.

"But I'm me. Right? So am I on the other side of the door? I got it! It must be me from the future! I'm coming ME!" he said, thinking out loud. He opened the door and was met with the grim visage of the Hokage. "Wow! I must be from the future's future because I am old! Did you bring ramen!?" he took a quick look at the hands of the Hokage. "No ramen?! Oh no! That must be why I came back from the future! To tell myself that theres no more ramen. Oh you poor me, here eat up!" he shoved an entire carton of ramen in the hokages mouth.

"Naruto, it's the Hokage." said... well, the Hokage. Naruto looked wide eyed.

"I become the Hokage?! Wait till the old man hears this! Woo-hoo!" he started running up to the ceiling and tracking dirt all over the walls. The old man couldn't help but smile and sigh at the same time. There was no denying that Naruto was no longer sane, but the same could be said about denying the fact that he was special. To be able to sub-consciously attach himself to the walls and celling with chakra? Special indeed.

"Yes you do." stated the old man. "But you won't if you don't become enrolled in school." He noticed the young lad's eyes widen to an impossible amount. "Do not fear young one, I have taken the liberty of enrolling you, but you must make it to school on time everyday. If you don't hurry, you will not make it." Before Sarutobi even finished his sentence, Naruto was out the door, down to the street floor and running in the general direction of the school.

* * *

xX School Xx 

Iruka, the scarred chuunin teacher at the academy for shinobi yawned lazily. Now began the new school year and he would have to deal with a _new _set of brats. Sometimes life was just so troublesome. He looked at his class roster and noticed some prominent names. Rukia Inuzuka and Gintoki Sakata. Rukia was the niece of the head of the Inuzuka clan and was apparently pretty good at being an Inuzuka. Far from genius, but high praise coming from the head of the clan. The Sakata's were a new clan from Rice country and were most prominently samurai. They didn't have a bloodline to help them but were quite powerful. No doubt this boy would become a strong shinobi because of his training in samurai ki as well as shinobi's chakra.

He heard the door open up and the first few children come in. He looked up and was greeted with the sight of a sun-kissed blond haired child running up to the front desk. Iruka smiled at the enthusiasm of the blond.

"Am I late?" he asked in a somewhat tired voice.

"Right on time. In fact, you're even a little early. I hope you continue this for the entire four years your here little one." He smiled even wider when he saw the boy's face light up. His smile faltered and turned into a sweatdrop however when the kid started to cartwheel around the entire classroom over and over again.

"Wow! Thats cool! Can I try?" asked a silver haired child from the door.

"Go for it!" screamed Naruto from across the classroom. The silver haired kid started to cartwheel across the classroom as well.

"Zura! Come and try it out!" said the silver haired kid. In a desk, another child just sighed.

"It's not Zura, its Katsura. Can't you get my name right at least once Gin?" he retorted. Naruto just smiled and started to roll around Katsura.

"Ne, ne Zura! Why don't you let it slide I'm sure he just forgot!"

"It's not Zura, its Katsura!" Naruto stopped and tumbled a few times until he was right in front of Katsura. His head started to wobble because of his dizzyness.

"Zura... why are there three of you?"

"It's not Zura! It's Katsura you blond twit!" he proceeded to strangle said blond.

"Ahahaha, I like him Zura! He gets you just as mad as I do!" said Gin. The three didn't notice but as they were playing around, more and more kids started to fill in the class room. A few of the more perceptive ones realized that the blond was at least a year younger than them. If that was the case, then why was he in the academy?

"It's not --" Katsura didn't get to finish his sentence before a fist pummeled his head. The fist belonged to an angry looking brunette.

"We know already! Jeez just shuttup will ya?" she said.

"Maa, maa Ayeka-chan, there's no need to kill him." said a raven haired girl in the back row.

"But he just won't shut up Reiko-channn..." she whined. Reiko just sighed. Iruka cleared his throat rather loudly to gain the classes attention. "Hehe... sorry sens--." she didn't finish her sentence because she felt someone poking her. She turned to see who it was only to get an eye full of blond hair. She looked down and saw it was the blond that was making such a commotion before. Everyone sweatdropped as he continued to poke her. "Just what do you think you are doing?" she asked heatedly.

Naruto looked up and smiled. "Are you really a girl?" he asked innocently. Gin and a few others started laughing so hard that they fell of their chair while others went for more of a dignified giggle and or smirk. "You're just so loud and violent and not really girly at all..." A vein grew on Ayeka's forehead. She brought her hand up to punch Naruto until the teacher coughed again.

"That's enough Ayeka. Please sit down and prepare for class." said the scarred chuunin.

"Yes, please sit down." said a person behind him. At first Iruka thought it was his assistant teacher Mizuki until he realized that the voice was too young, and Mizuki had a mission that would last at least a week. He turned to the person next to him and saw Naruto, dressed in a suit and tie.

"NARUTO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE AND WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?!" he asked in a somewhat crazed style.

"It's not Naruto, its Katsura." he said in a quiet voice, his hair now black and long. Everyone but Gin and Katsura sweatdropped.

"I'm Kastsura! You're Naruto!"

"Thats Naruto-sensei to you!" he replied back in his suit and tie. Gin started laughing even harder.

"BACK TO YOUR SEAT!" yelled Iruka.

"HAI!" replied the blond, now sporting a military uniform and saluting. He marched back to his seat which was between Katsura and Reiko. Iruka looked at the clock and saw that they had wasted 15 minutes of the lesson. He was eager to start the lesson and saw a few students were too. Good.

"Now lets begi--" he wasn't able to finish the lesson because the door burst open.

"Sorry I'm late! My dog attacked the mailman this morning so I had to treat him to a big Sunday breakfast." said a red haired girl at the door. She had a dog in her arms. "I'm Rukia Inuzuka."

"Thats one of the worst excuses I've ever heard! It's not even Sunday!" yelled Iruka.

"It's not Sunday? Then what am I doing here?" asked Naruto. All of a sudden his face turned grim. "I'm missing my Saturday morning cartoons!" He was about to run out the classroom when Iruka threw a chakra powered eraser at his head.

"SIT DOWN!" Just as he was about to start the lesson again, the door opened... again. Iruka hurled a mass of chakra powered chalk at the newcomer who just caught it all.

"You're not trying to assassinate the Hokage now, are you Iruka-kun?" asked the smiling visage of the Hokage. Iruka paled. This was gonna be a somewhat difficult few years.

* * *

A/N: review and tell me how u liked it, if u liked it. 


	2. Zura janai! Katsura desu!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

The Kyuubi's seal messes with Naruto Psyche and makes both a genius and mentally insane. Watch his misadventures as a Konoha shinobi.

* * *

2 years later 

"O.K. Class, it's time for our evaluation. This is not graded and is used to see the potential of the class. This can also determine whether or not you graduate early. We will grade your taijutsu, weapons accuracy, basic ninjutsu, and stealth skills." informed the scarred chuunin to his class. "Please follow me to the weapons range please."

"But sensei... didn't you say taijutsu first?" asked the second ranked student in academics, Nobuo Uematsu. (This is a tribute to the music composer of the Final Fantasy series.) Iruka looked at him as he answered.

"Yes I did, but it was just to list the tests that you will be taking. Since taijutsu will be the most energy consuming and will leave you with quite a few bruises, it will be weapons accuracy, stealth skills, ninjutsu and then taijutsu."

"OK sensei. Thank you." Iruka nodded. "Any other question?" Iruka saw two hands immediately shoot up. He looked at who the hands belonged too and turned around. "Good. Moving on." Naruto and Rukia ran to the front of Iruka and started waving their hands in front of his face.

"Sensei! We have a question!" they chorused. Iruka sighed. What did he do in his past life to deserve this.

"Fine, what is it?" he asked. Rukia went first.

"Can we use animals and weapons for the taijutsu match?" Iruka looked stunned. That was one of the first _real_ questions she'd ever ask.

"Only if it's vital for the taijutsu style you were taught. If you use the school's basic taijutsu then no." Rukia nodded. Naruto went next.

"Are we allowed to use jutsu that we created for the jutsu test?" he asked. Iruka, if possible looked even more stunned. This was impossible. Naruto... the _Naruto_ asking a serious question. Iruka looked towards the rest of his students to see if it was a joke. They looked just as stunned as he.

"Uhh." said Iruka smartly. "Will it damage and or harm the other students?"

"Nope." replied Naruto."

"Then yes, you may."

"Wheeeee!" said Naruto happily as he took off and started jumping around. He landed in front of a tree and started to do handseals, a few of which were not recognized. When he finished he called out the name of the jutsu. "Ramen no jutsu!" a beam of light left his eyes and hit the tree. The tree poofed into smoke before turning into a giant bowl of ramen. Everyone was in a state of shock, awe and amazement. He just transformed a tree into a bowl or _ramen._

"Ehh... uhh... N... Naruto? The jutsu test isn't right now, its a bit later." said Iruka, still very much in shock.

"Oh I know! I was just so excited i got hungry!" he shouted. Gin's eyes widened.

"Can you transform a tree into something sweet like candy?" he asked hotly. Naruto nodded happily.

"I'll do you even one better Gin!" he focused on the tree and performed the same group of handseals. The same result occurred but when the smoke cleared a giant glass of strawberry milk appeared. "Ichigo Gyunyu no Jutsu!" Gin started to cry.

"It's beautiful! O kami-sama, thank you for bringing Naruto into this world!" he started to grovel at Naruto's feet. "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy."

"Stand my child, go forth into the world and tell all what you have seen here." said Naruto, dressed in a worn out robe with a staff in hand.

"Yes, thank you oh great one." said Gintoki before walking off towards the setting sun. Rukia started to cry.

"There he goes, to make something better out of his life." she said to no one in particular.

"Remember to write!" she yelled out to his ever disappearing figure.

"Oi! You retard class isn't even over!" yelled out Ayeka.

"It's not even noon... how is the sun setting?" asked Katsura. Reiko just shook her head.

"Anything is possible for them. I'm surprised you haven't realized that by now Katsura." Katsura sighed. "If there's anyone that will graduate surely, its those two. Well, me too. Good luck to you though."

"Hey! I can pass too!" he retorted only to have her already walking away with the rest of the class who was ignoring the scene between Gin, Rukia and Naruto. "Katsura just lowered his head followed in defeat.

* * *

--2 years later / Graduation exam-- 

"Allright class, this years graduation will be the kawarimi skill. Please step up front as I call your name." instructed Iruka. The class groaned. Normally the Kawarimi is such an easy skill, but when doing it in class, one must be careful because one slip could mean an injury due to the cramped nature of the classroom.

* * *

--Few hours later/ End of exam-- 

"Congratulations to all those who passed and please be back here tomorrow for your team assignments. For those who didn't, good luck next year and please be polite to your teacher." he said with a smile. The students filed out the classroom, some happy and some sad.

"Whoo-hoo! We passed! I knew we could do it!" said Gin, earning him a slap from Ayeka.

"This, coming from the one who kept saying, "I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail." over and over again right?" she said. Everyone laughed. Gin sweatdropped and looked for a scapegoat.

"Yeah well..." he looked at the group to see who could change the subject easily. "Naruto's walking on his hands! So there. Ha." The group just stared at him.

"That doesn't excuse you, you know. And besides, Naruto always does things like this. Thats what makes him so cool." Naruto just smiled at the compliment.

"So who do you think will be on our teams?" asked Katsura, sensing Gin's plight.

_Arigato Zura._ Thought Gin.

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura._ Thought Katsura.

_Yeah yeah, its Zura you idiot, get it right next time Gin. _Thought Naruto. Gin saluted.

"Yes sir." Naruto marched in front of him donned in an army general suit.

"I can't hear you soldier!" he yelled.

"YES SIR! GENERAL UZUMAKI SIR!"

"What about you private Zura!"

"It's not Zura! It's Katsura!"

"Are you talking back to your commanding officer!? 1000 push-ups right now!"

"Sorry sir! Right away sir!" Katsura got on the floor and started to do his 1000 push-ups.

"Isn't that brainwashing?" whispered Ayeka to Rukia and Reiko. They shrugged and just walked away, leaving the boys to their little games.

"I'm not even sure anymore, Naruto never does anything thats explainable. Even something as unexplainable as brainwashing... It'll make your mind implode and melt creating a black hole thus endangering the inhabitants of Konohagakure and the world if you tried to figure the guy out."

"You read way too much manga. Reiko-chan." she said.

"Are you so sure?" asked Rukia, putting her two cents in."Maybe you don't read enough. There are dire consequences that await you if you don't read enough. " She had on a serious face that shadowed her eyes and made the entire idea seem a lot more fearsome than it should've been.

"Mwahahahahahaha" Rukia and Reiko just laughed maniacally and walked away.

"Why can't I have normal friends?" Ayeka asked towards the sky.

* * *

**A/N: team placement, test, and first mission will be next chapter. Sorry i couldn't fill this chapter up more, its just that i wanted to get something out. I'm about halfway done with the next chapter and its already twice as long as this one. Hope that little bit of info helps. Ja matta ne!**


	3. Terror that is SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!

Disclaimer: still don't own anything

Kyuubi's seal messes with Naruto's psyche making him both a genius and mentally insane. Watch his misadventures as a konoha shinobi.

A/N: Thanks to my reviewers, if i haven't gotten back to you then i will or i forgot. Just bonk me on the head if i forgot because im sorry.

* * *

--Team placement day--

The passers, as the non-graduating part of the class called them, trickled into the empty classroom in small groups of friends. The room was full of energy and excitement because this was the day that they would officially become genin, or so they thought. Iruka calmly strode into the classroom, the team roster in his hand. As he approached the front of the classroom, most of the students became anxious. The few students who weren't anxious were either asleep or Naruto, who, in all actuality was asleep, but with his eyes open.

"Good morning students, or should I say future Konoha shinobi." a warm smile graced his face as his eyes moved across the room looking at the expressions of his once students. "Before we begin, I would like to announce that teams 2, and 3 are still filled so when you hear me go from 1 to 4, that is the reason. So, shall we?" The class chorused a yes. "Team 1. Rukia Inuzuka, Gintoki Sakata, and Naruto Uzumaki." As soon as he heard his name, Naruto awoke.

"Ahh! Spiders!" he picked up his chair and started smaking one of the assistant teachers who just happened to be passing by. "Spiders! Spiders! Spiders!" he promptly shouted before falling back asleep.

"Man," started Gin. "this is almost as embarrassing then the time when he almost drowned in his ramen bowl."

* * *

-- 1 year ago --

"THAT IS A GIANT BOWL OF RAMEN!" shouted Katsura. In front of him was the biggest bowl of ramen he had ever seen. Truthfully, it was the biggest bowl of anything he had ever seen. The ramen bowl was easily the size of the training field and about 3 building stories high.

"Yeah, Naruto turned a mountain outside of Konoha into that to set a world record for most ramen consumed by any one person." replied Gintoki. Around him were their other friends, Ayeka, Reiko, and Rukia. "He's about to start." Naruto could be seen on the edge of the bowl with a swimming cap and a pair of speedoes. He got into a divers stance and jumped in. They climbed a few trees to see his progress. When they got a look at him they saw that he was floating on his front and not moving. "Damn, I forgot to give him his water wings."

* * *

-- Present --

"I never knew he couldn't swim." said Iruka. Reiko shook her head in the negative.

"He can... sometimes." Iruka sweatdropped.

"How can someone just swim sometimes... oh wait, Naruto. Right then, moving on."

"Ok then. Your jounin instructor is Sanada Hiroyuki."

"Hai sensei." replied Rukia.

"Great now for team 4." Iruka proceeded in this manner which the last three of the group ignored until Reiko's name was called.

"Excuse me sensei." interrupted Reiko. "Could you please repeat what team number I'm on?" Iruka nodded.

"Sure thing Reiko. Its team 7, and your teammates are Katsura Kotaro, and Ayeka Toushiro. Your jounin instructor is Watanabe Ken. Alright then, thats it. I can't say I've been prouder then any class and can't wait to hear about your adventures as a ninja. Please be safe." said Iruka as he walked out of the classroom, sad smile on his face. He really was proud, in all of his years as a teacher, there couldn't have been a more fun and progressive class. 'Maybe I should continue training and become a jounin Thought the scarred teacher.

"Naruto seems to have the right idea." said Gin as he put his head on the desk, but before he could, the door slammed open.

"Wow, they sure don't make doors like they used too. Oh well, not my problem. Team _numero uno_ come with me!" yelled the bearded instructor. Everyone sweatdropped.

"What the heck is _numero uno_?" asked Rukia. Naruto just chuckled from his spot behind the sensei. They saw that he now sported a giant sombrero.

"_Profesor de la buena mañana. ¿Su un día agradable no es hoy él?" _(roughly: Good morning teacher. Nice day today isn't it? Got it from babelfish so don't get mad at me if its wrong. ;;; )asked Naruto as he put his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Quite the talented youngster aren't you?" said the man. "Ahahaha, very well, follow me team 1." As he said this, he thought, 'What the hell are they teaching the kids now and days at school?'

Gin and Rukia got up quietly to follow the man and their fellow teammate who was already ahead of them. They quickly noticed that they were on the way towards the training grounds. Were they _already_ going to start training? Is this really what it was to be a ninja? Before they knew it, they're teacher stopped and turned to them.

"OK you little brats. Here's how it goes, I don't want too teach, but they're making me give you a chance. Sooooo... theres a little test that we "teachers" are to administer. If you pass then your officially team 1."

"Wait." stopped Rukia. "So were not officially genin yet?" Sanada shook his head in the negative. "That sucks."

"Yep. So come back after lunch and I'll have a test ready for you. Just try to be ready for the test." He turned to leave, but Gin stopped him.

"You haven't told us the test yet..." he said. Sanada looked at him while picking his nose. He struck gold then proceeded to strike Gin with it.

"I haven't thought of it yet." he said before disappearing in a poof. Gin looked dumbstruck while the other two laughed at him.

"Ahhhh! Get it off, get it off!" he yelled while jumping into a nearby stream head first. The only problem was that it was a _stream_, meaning it was very shallow. "Owwww! Freakin dammit! Stupid river... stream... faucet... water... crap it made me stupid!"

"_It_ did?" asked Rukia. Naruto laughed, then dived in with Gin. Gin expected him to hit his head just like he did, but Naruto ended up being eaten by the stream.

"WTF?!" Gin ran over to where Naruto was only to see a hole where he submerged. "Of course Naruto is the one to find the deep part of the stream... wait a minute, that shouldn't even be there."

"Hey what're you guy looking at?" asked a voice from the back. They turned around to find Naruto, dry as a desert. Rukia sighed.

"It has to be freakin magic. There's no other explanation."

"Sure there is Rukia! It's magic!" exclaimed Naruto.

"Thats what I said!" she retorted. Naruto shook his head and smiled like a child who finally found a chance to correct his/ her parents.

"You said freakin magic! There's a difference." said Naruto, now sitting, dressed in a sage like uniform all the while shaking his head sagely.

"WHATS THE DIFFERERENCE!?" Naruto jumped up and was now dressed in priest robes.

"Freakin magic is used by the devil while regular magic is used by entertainers, that it is."

"Ahh! I give up!"

"NO! You can't give up! Life is worth living! You'll find your reason eventually!"

"Rukia is dying?!" asked Gin from where he was situated in the stream. "You can't die!... yet."

"WTF do you mean yet?"

"Well we need you for the exam. We can't just have two people now can we."

"I'm dying and that all you can think about!? You selfish bas..." she stopped halfway into her curse because she knew Naruto didn't like curses. Of all his pet peeves, curses were number one. "Basket face."

"Basket face?" asked Gin. He received his answer in the form of a fruit filled basket hitting him in the face. "Ahh."

"You guys are weird. I don't think I can hang out with you anymore." said Naruto. Gin and Rukia looked at him wide-eyed. _They_ were the weird ones? "How can you guys not be hungry, its lunch time." They face planted. A light grumbling could be heard from they're stomachs. Naruto's face lit up. "I guess I can hang with you guys after all. Let's go steal food from the gods, my treat."

"When did we start calling ramen at Ichiraku's stealing food from the gods again?" asked Gin. Rukia looked at him as though he were stupid. "Head injury remember?" he asked, pointing up to his bandaged head.

"Oh. Well it was about the same time we figured he didn't like cursing."

* * *

-- Ichiraku's 2 years ago--

"You sir, are an amazing being. How would you like to be the head chef of the god's? If you accept you too will be a god!"

"I don't know king Neptune, I have a lot of customers here that love it too." King Neptune lowered his head.

"I see." He turned and walked away. Before he left the door though, he turned around and grabbed Ichiraku. "Got ya bitch!" He got about 1 mile away before he was drop kicked in the face.

"I hate people who curse." said Naruto, a dark aura encompassing him. "Now give me back my ramen maker!" King Neptune got back up and looked the punk in the face.

"You're gonna have to take him from me. Come my minions of the deep!" He grabbed his staff and thrust it into the ground making 4 summoning circles appear. When the light from the summoning circles died down, 4 sea creatures appeared on the ground almost dead due to the lack of water. "Uhh, here you go." said Neptune as he handed Naruto the unconscious Ichiraku.

* * *

--Present--

"Ohh yeah. That was cool."

"It was, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." They saw how far Naruto was ahead of them and had a mild panic attack. "If we don't hurry up he's going to eat all the ramen at Ichiraku's again!" They both sprinted as though they're life depended on it.

* * *

--Ichiraku's after lunch--

"Here's your bill Naruto." said Ayame as she handed him the dreaded piece of paper. Naruto looked at it and chuckled, throwing a rather hefty sack of money on the table.

"Where did you get all that money?!" chorused his two companions. Naruto looked dumbfounded.

"You don't remember?" They shook they're heads in the negative. "Thats funny, because I was hoping you would tell me." he smiled sheepishly. They sighed and smiled at the same time. There definitely was no substitute for such a guy.

* * *

--Test time / Sanada--

Sanada Hiroyuki stood atop the small hill of training ground 56 waiting for his students. When he saw them approach in the distance he smirked. This is where the fun would begin. His smirk turned into a smile though when he heard a scream. Oh yes, how he loved administering tests.

* * *

--Test time/ N(aruto)G(in)R(ukia) aka: New Genin Revolution (hopefully)--

Naruto, Gin and Rukia were walking to the training ground peacefully enjoying their now full stomachs when suddenly a trap went off. Gin stepped on a trip wire and shuriken were launched toward the team. Luckily, Naruto thought fast and pulled them down at the last second, or so they thought.

"Oww, by butt hurts. Who put that wire there?" They sweatdropped. OK, so maybe he didn't pull them down purposely, but he saved they're life otherwise. Rukia thought about why there would be a trap in the middle of nowhere, when she finally got a clue.

"This must be the test that sensei was talking about." Gin and Naruto nodded. "Well it looks like it won't be getting any easier."

* * *

--Test time/ Sanada--

'It looks like they're not giving up. Good, because it's the best part is just about to start.' he thought to himself. "Mwahahahahahah."

* * *

--Test time/ N(aruto)G(in)R(ukia) aka: New Genin Revolution (hopefully)--

"Haha! Lee! It is time to test your flames of youth against these soon to be genin for you shall follow in they're footsteps in exactly one year!"

"Hai Gai sensei! If I should fail then let me run around the village 5 times on my hands!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!" was the scene before the young genin's eyes. Gin and Rukia ran over to the nearest tree and barfed out they're lunch while Naruto stood there, not moving.

"I see you are both followers of the... SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!" exclaimed Naruto. Gai and Lee looked away from eachother and looked at Naruto.

"Are you as well?" they asked.

"No I am not, because... I HAVE ALREADY MASTERED IT!" Lee and Gai looked at him with water in they're eyes. "I have seen your plight young followers and have the means to help thee!" He did a few handseals. "HA!" A pure shining light descended from the sky and enveloped the only hugging pair. "Now you have even more youthfulness! Go my fellow youthful warriors, spread the youth!" Gai and Lee now started to cry.

"Naruto-sensei, how may we repay you!?" they asked. Naruto got an evil glint in his eye.

"Spread the word of youth to my sensei and we shall be even young ones." Gai and Lee stood up strait.

"HAI!"

* * *

--Test time/ Sanada--

"Sanada my fellow jounin! We have come to spread the Springtime of youth with thee!" exclaimed Gai, a new spring in his step. Sanada looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Yes, we promised to convert you! If we cannot then I shall run out of the country and back on my fingers!"

"And if my youthful student cannot complete that then I shall carry him back while running on my nose!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!" It was then that Sanada learned the true meaning of horror as a sunset appeared behind the two... _things._ Thinking it was genjutsu, Sanada tried his best to break it, but nothing happened. Next thought? Run while they weren't looking.

"Uh-uh-uh sensei. We can't have you missing their youthful example can we?" asked Naruto, his two teammates behind him wearing 3 pairs of blindfolds and 10 kinds of earmuffs.

"Let me go! I promise I'll pass you guys!" he said. Naruto looked pensive for a moment before nodding.

"In a minute sensei, I need for others to enjoy my art you know?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" In one day, all because of a sensei's lazy mistake, a new terror was bestowed upon Konohagakure. Its name? Gai and Lee.

* * *

A/N: OK then. Got a little crackish at the end cuz i rushed, but hey, whatever. Thx a lot for reviewing and hope to see you readin the next chapter. Sorry if you got lost a bit while reading, cuz i got lost a bit while typing... ;;; 


	4. Snow in Konoha – Srank Hustle! PART 1

Snow in Konoha – S-rank Hustle! Santa vs. Ms. Claus... why doesn't she have a name!? (PART 1)

* * *

A/N: Please read this chapter in a Christmas mood. Thank you.

* * *

"I feel like this has happened before..." said Katsura as he looked up at the white sky from his prone position on the ground, almost completely buried in snow. "How did I even get here."he tried to think back to the events heading up to this certain point and time.

* * *

Naruto, Gin and Rukia were walking across the snow covered path of the Konoha markets, when an idea happened to hit Gin... quite literally. As he was walking, a small poster sized billboard dropped on his face. 

"Woah!" yelled Rukia. Naruto merely responded to the random act with one of his own. He looked up, put out his hand, as if to check for rain, then pulled out an umbrella. Rukia looked at him incredulously, and he shrugged. They both looked at Gin's twitching form and just walked away. "He'll be fine right?" she asked her blond companion. Naruto got into a thinking position, before bringing out a giant cylinder with a tip that started wide at the bottom and got smaller at the top but never became a tip. The side said, "Armstrong healing cannon extreme multi-use all purpose extraordinaire 5.0. Now with tough stain fighting power!" Naruto aimed it at Gin and fired. The resulting explosion took out three fourths of the block. Rukia's jaw dropped as Naruto chuckled and put on sunglasses to match his dark black suit.

"Yippe Cayae Mother Fucker." he mumbled, while walking away.

* * *

"Nope. That had absolutely nothing to do with me... next one."

* * *

"Ne, Ye Olde." said Naruto, addressing the now sweat dropping Hokage. "Whats our next mission?" he asked. Sarutobi sighed. It was almost Christmas time. That pretty much meant a hiatus on all high ranked missions, and any shinobi feud in general. No one would defy the unwritten rule of Christmas. Usually all the missions would be D-rank, such as cleaning the yard, shoveling, enlarging chimneys so fatter fathers, cough Akimichi cough, could fit through, and the like. 

"I'm not sure yet Naruto-kun. It might be a joint mission with another team to clean the streets or something. Though, you never know. Santa might need protection." Sarutobi winked. Leading the boy on with a seemingly harmless statement.

"Then I'm your man Sarutobisaurus!!!" Sarutobisaurus just sweat dropped at the name. That was the first time he had heard that one. The Hokage nodded and shooed Naruto out of the building. The things kids will believe now and days. Go figure.

* * *

"... I wasn't even there... why do I know this?"

* * *

"Aww man, It's broken!" yelled a rather portly man in red to his much burlier, and antlerier (? on the spot word...) red nosed counterpart. The burly man growled. 

"It's your fault that the sleigh broke!" he yelled back. They stared at each other before rasing their fists. They then heard a crash behind them. When they further inspected the crash, they found a rather disheveled looking blond. The blond stared at them with blearing red eyes before he started talking.

"Who ish ou?" The odd duo stared at each other before bursting out laughing.

"Ahahaha! He's drunk!" yelled the man in red. The antlered man nodded as he laughed. They were laughing so hard they failed to notice Naruto rise with righteous fury behind them.

"I'm not drunk!" he exclaimed before beating them to a bloody pulp. When he finished, he sat down in a corner, crying and drawing circles in the snow. "I was just practicing my French is all..." (I don't have anything against French people, I just think the accent and language is a bit funny.) He looked up to see a familiar patch of hair in the distance. "Gin!" he called. Gin looked behind him and spotted Naruto. He turned back around and called somebody before running up to Naruto.

"Yo, Naruto!" he greeted. He then noticed the two bloodied people who were beginning to regain consciousness. "Who are they?"

Naruto shrugged. "Not sure, I just sorta found them there." The other duo started to cry.

"Liar!" said the burly one.

"How do you not know me?" asked the portly one. "I'll even give you a hint." Suddenly a random villager joined in the conversation.

"I love this game!" said the villager. Naruto and Gin just agreed fervently, while the other two sweat dropped.

"I go into peoples houses and leave presents." he gave.

"A robber with diarrhea?" answered Naruto, questioning look on his face.

"No!" yelled the man.

"A dog?" asked Gin. The man just facevaulted.

"I got it!" yelled the vllager. He had on a serious face. "You're a man, who gives children a_package."_

"What the hell is wrong with you! What kind of hint are you giving?"

"Children sit in my lap and tell me what they want." Naruto's face lit up and the man assumed that he had it. "That's right kid." he chuckled.

"Then I would like my soul back please. I promised it to a lot of other people." The man looked confused while Gin looked horrified.

"You sold your soul to satan?" he asked. Naruto looked sheepish.

"I was practicing my French at the time and didn't exactly know what I was saying." he replied. The antlered man looked appalled.

"So close and yet so far in meaning!" he said. The villager interrupted again.

"Let me get this straight. You break into people's houses and do something _for_ children?" he asked pensively. The man in red and his counterpart sweat dropped.

"I'm SANTA!!!" screamed the man in red. Naruto looked at him.

"Impossible. Santa is a bunny that gives out eggs on Easter." he said, nodding his head as though his information was the correct one.

"What kind of stories do you read kid?" asked the antlered man. Thankfully for them, Gin was an avid Santa fan.

"Then you must be Rudolph!" he yelled, pointing at the burly man. "I think..." The man smiled.

"You got it!" The man beamed. Suddenly, a bright light _beamed_in his face. Behind it was Naruto, a smoldering cigar in his mouth, and aviator shades on his face.

"So... Rudolfo. Where were you on the night of January 72nd ?" he asked. Rudolph just panicked.

"What?!" he asked. Naruto put out his cigar on his face. "Ahhhhh!!!" Santa just stared at the entire scene slackjawed. As if Gin read Santa's mind, he pulled out a wanted poster with Santa and Rudolph's picture.

"Bounty is all you need to clean up your messes." said Gin.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE POSTER!?" asked Santa. Gin shrugged.

"I'm just trying to remember my shopping list. Now, back to this. Why is your wife looking for you. Actually, scratch that. Why is she sending_ ninjas_ after you?" he asked in a no-nonsense tone. Santa had the good graces to look sheepish.

"My wife is trying to drag me to her mother's again..."

* * *

Dun, dun, dun! Uhh... I know this isn't really a cliff hanger... but for this story, and for guys who have GFs or Wives who do this... this is the cliff hanger of the century. 

This is the first part of the three part Christmas special!

See you in a bit!


	5. Dramatic effect! You killed my family!

Hey everybody! Wow... what's with all the glares? I _did _say it was a Christmas special right? Okay, I admit, that joke was in bad taste... but I did make this chapter extra funny and extra long as a sacrifice to the review gods that all of you are. I will also have you know, I happen to think my humor is actually better then when I was writing last year...er... 2 years ago? Its like aged cheese. For some reason it tastes better later. Probably because you can no longer taste anything because the smell is slowly suffocating you. Hey, be glad my humor isn't like pancakes. All happy when you get them, but by the time your almost done you hate them. Freakin' pancakes.

**DEVIDER**

I don't own Naruto or any other references to previously existing entities. God does. (Even my disclaimers became better!!! ^_^)

**DEVIDER**

"I don't care what you do. Just find him." said a rather buxom looking lady. She was wearing a formfitting red jacket, a red knee length skirt and sexy white stockings. "I'm not paying your ninjas to stand around." she told the Raikage. The Raikage nodded. One would ask why the Raikage, most likely the burliest man on the planet why he was taking heat from anyone, let alone a dainty lady such as the one in the room. He would reply, "I don't want coal for Christmas. It doesn't make a good pet." What?

**DEVIDER**

"Uhh... what's so bad about going to your mothers?" aksed Gin.

**(now here comes the extra long part of the chapter that I promised you)**

"Her mother's." corrected Santa. Gin still looked confused, so Santa sighed. "Don't worry about it. Just know I have to deliver presents and I can't do that if I'm at her mother's house. Get it?" Gin and Naruto were stricken. Immediately Naruto was in a burglar's outfit.

**(And thats a wrap! See you again in two years!)**

"Let's go deliver some presents." he said in a dramatic tone of voice while cocking a shotgun. Santa sweatdropped.

"What kind of presents are you talking about?" he mumbled to himself. Naruto pointed the shotgun at his face and blew smoke in his face, courtesy of the cigar in his mouth. He pulled down his aviator sunglasses and asked.

"Nandato kora?" ("What was that bastard?" Loose translation by the way. It's japanese gangster speak. Or as we say in mexico: habanerrrro. Just kidding. Thats how its said in NY?)

"Oi, oi, oi, teme!" said Gin, dressed in a black suit. "Do you know who you're talking to?" he asked Santa. He then pointed to Naruto, who was clad in an open white suit and bandages on the torso as a replacement for a shirt. "This is the person who single handedly took out the Yakuza no Oni, and reunited the families of the Katsumata! He is... Naruto "The Uzumaki" Uzumaki!"

"Why is his last name his nickname as well?" asked Rudolph.

"Why don't you have a last name?" he replied. This promptly set said reindeer into a spiraling depression.

"Wahhhh! My family never loved me enough to give me one!" Santa sighed. Time to get back on track.

"You have to help me deliver presents! That way, even if I am taken to my mother in laws at least the children of Konoha will have had their presents and Christmas." Gin and Naruto looked a bit apprehensive.

"That doesn't seem to be very fair to the othe-"

"I'll give you your presents now and extra ones later~" he sang.

"What are we waiting for?!" Santa called over his ever faithful reindeer, whom he affectionately called Bob.

"Hey bob! Can you get these kids their presents?" Bob nodded and walked up to the Christmas sack, then cleared his throat.

"Oh Christmas sack, Oh Christmas sack-

Give me the god-damned presents~"

The sack began to magically float in mid-air before wheezing and coughing. Blegarlmech was the sound it produced before rhythmically puking out Naruto's and Gin's presents.

"Here you go guys." said Bob as he handed Naruto and Gin their presents.

"Eww." was their reply. Naruto pulled a pair of goggles from his pocket and put them on. He stared at his present for quite some time before jumping up in joy.

"Yes! I got the Super Deluxe Armstrong Healing Cannon Extreme multi-use all purpose Extraordinaire Mk. 10. Now with tougher stain fighting power. Guaranteed to atomize even the toughest of stains!" he exclaimed, leaving the others if his goggles where – oh. So they were. "Wow lady, those don't cover much do they!?" He returned to the group with a new facial accessory. The red slap of manliness.

"Wow, thats a keeper."

"Way to go 'Ruto!"

"You're on your way kid, but you still have a ways to go." Santa pulled out a picture. "Take a gander at this! My greatest work yet!" The rest of the group stared in awe at the picture.

"You're my hero!"

"That's my boss!"

"Now I know the true meaning of Christmas!" They all began to bow at the red clad, portly man.

"We need to know Santa-sama..." began Naruto. "What did you do to deserve such a magnificent stamp of manliness!?" Santa just rubbed his beared for dramatic effect. He remembered the incident like it was yesterday, but dramatic effect made any story a great story. Hell, his stories were already great, so the dramatic effect would have caused to it me amazing!

"Kukukuku." he chuckled. The others backed away.

"Uh... we just want to be men... not pedophiles. You can keep that story to yourself Clause." said Gin. Santa began to weep in a corner. DAMN YOU DRAMATIC EFFECT!

**DEVIDER**

Meanwhile, at the Inuzuka household, while Rukia was having a slumber party for her and her girl friends, she, Ayeka, and Reika all had a chill run down their spine, causing the other girls to look at them. Rukia summed it up in a simple statement.

"Naruto and Gin are doing something stupid."

**A/N: Ok... so its actually shorter... but I wanted you all to know I was still alive. REALLY! It's not like im gonna keep you waiting again for another 2 years just to build up dramatic effect. Oops... did I say that outloud? I'll be back soon with an update for something. cross my heart and hope to fly?  
**


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